To Survivors Feeling Gaslit By The National Conversation on Sexual Assault

If you need to - turn off the news.

Hide any posts on Facebook that pertain to the backlash Dr. Ford is receiving.

Don't read comment sections in news articles or blog posts about this matter.

Recognize your limits and respect them. No need to justify them to yourself or anyone else.

Make your surviving and thriving the focus of your beautiful radical life. 

If you feel angry, anxious, guilty, ashamed, if you have flashbacks and nightmares, and memories of who didn't believe you, who didn't validate you, whom you knew you couldn't tell - and maybe still can't; if you notice fear of the dark, strangers, loved ones, being alone anywhere creeping back in, if your neck hairs raise more quickly right now, if your startle response is suddenly even higher than usual, if you notice you cannot sleep and you don't know why: respect this as your body reminding you that you have limits to what you can withstand, and your first priority is to your wellness, safety, and thriving. See these as gentle alarms of consciousness asking for your attention and love and tenderness. Tenderness that is your right. Your precious and absolute right.

Wrap yourself in a blanket. Sip hot tea. Ask a loved one to hold you. Wear your coziest clothes. If you want and need, reach out to talk through what's coming up for you. Call your local Rape Victim Advocacy organization for support. Talk to your therapist.

Create a collage of welcoming, comforting pictures, scenes, words, places.

You may know this one is coming, but yes, take a hot bath. It's cliche because it's a great one.

Engage in mindfulness activities. Breathe in self-compassion, breathe out compassion for others. Make a t-shirt with a Sharpie that says "Resilient AF."

Design your next tattoo - whether you're going to get it or not. 

Sing. Sing for at least 10 minutes. You don’t have to “be a singer.” Feel the music all around you and within you and sing. Sing a soothing song. Sing a song of rage. Sing a song of redemption. Sing a powerful song. Sing a gospel song.

As you sit right where you are, start to imagine all the survivors that exist in the whole entire world. All the people, men, women, children, trans and non-binary folks, elders, literally everyone, who is a survivor of assault. Imagine that you are connected to each and every one of them right now, in this moment. Imagine you are sending them all love and receiving their love in return. Imagine you are holding hands in an enormous worldwide circle with literally every survivor, from thousands of years ago to now, all survivors, every single one who has ever existed. Everyone. Imagine that you are all connected in your courage, in your endurance, in your strength, in your vulnerability. Imagine that you, yourself, are surrounded by this courage, strength, endurance, and vulnerability. Imagine that you are all together, supporting each other, quietly, gracefully, righteously. You are not focused on what happened to you, but simply on your togetherness in courage, endurance, strength and vulnerability. Ancestors upon ancestors lend their courage, endurance, strength, and vulnerability to this worldwide collective of survivors. Imagine you can feel the pulsing energy alive among you all, in you, in your heart, in your mind, and in your body. And imagine that in every moment of every day, that tenacity is with you, to access, to know, to feel, to become, to be, to share. 

Call into your heart the feeling  that you are an amazing force in the world yourself. Call into your heart the feeling of togetherness and resolve and even joy. Call into your heart the fierce and righteous boundaries of a recovery warrior.

And make your wellness, functioning, peace, and community the center of your beautiful, radical, precious life. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Together, it's possible.

Note: this blog post is not clinical therapeutic advice or clinical recommendations. If you are seeking mental health support related to a sexual assault, please consider calling your therapist or the National Sexual Assault Hotline available through RAINN at: 800-656-HOPE